Gut Check

The last year and a half of life in the Kennebeck house hasn't been the most fun thing in the world. I'll spare you the details because that's not what this post is about, but its just been one thing after the other that just keeps smacking us in the face.

DON'T get me wrong... We are blessed without a doubt! We welcomed our healthy baby boy Dylan. Mackenzie is healthy and entertains us every day. We finally sold our house and moved into another one. Brian and I are blessed to have a strong marriage. Both Brian and I have jobs. Those are just to name a few obvious ones. AND there are so many other people with problems so much larger than our own, parents who have children battling cancer, job loss, marital problems, etc.

We got back from vacation late Saturday and then Monday reality smacked us in the face again. Short version we got the bill for Brian's "naughty finger" surgery and his insurance only paid $500. Anyway, the rest of Monday was spent freaking out over what we were going to do, calling the insurance company and then walking around in a haze trying to formulate our next step. Then Tuesday morning before I even got out of the bed I had a gut check moment... I realized that ALL I had been doing since I found out about the situation was worry. I didn't even stop to turn it over to my Abba Father one time. To say I was ashamed would be an understatement... I was barely awake so deep thoughts were not really present yet but I took that moment to say simply "Holy God, I know you are in control. Please forgive me for not bringing this to you sooner." Like I said MAJOR GUT CHECK MOMENT!

I have been a Christian since I was seven years old, I was active in church my entire life, I was active in the BCM (formerly BSU) in college, am currently active in my church, and believe in what the Bible says with ALL of my heart! However, I'll also admit that I have struggled to have consistent daily time with God for the past few years due to the insanity that is life. When I mean consistent daily time I mean, taking time just me and God to get alone. I don't mean taking things to him in prayer daily, thanking him for my blessings, praying for guidance, etc. I mean QT between Me and God. How else are you supposed to grow and deepen your relationship with our Father if you don't spend time with him alone? I have been continually convicted about this for the past few years and I do good for a little bit and then "life" kicks in again. I am living proof of the statement that if the Devil can't have your soul he'll make you too busy. I could try to justify the reasons why, but guess what... There is no legitimate reason. Bottom Line.

Anyway back to my original reason for this post (excuse the randomness... that's my middle name.) Being an adult is not fun, and just when we think things might be calm for 5 or 10 minutes something else happens. With 2 small children and 2 jobs at Murphy USA, you never know what's going to go wrong next. :) Don't forget my earlier statement about how blessed we are! We believe with all our hearts that our God is in TOTAL control and that He will NEVER give us anything more than we can bear!! But some days I think "God, how much more can we bear?" Then at the same time I say "Ummm.. wait, that wasn't me asking you to teach me patience or anything... Ha! (Ask and you shall receive...)

God never promised us that life as a Christian would be easy or would make us happy all the time! However He did promise us Joy. Joy and happiness are not the same thing! Happiness is a feeling and it comes and goes. Joy comes from within your soul and from the One who loves you more than anything! You can be joyful in the midst of all circumstances because you know the One who is carrying you thru those circumstances. You can be joyful despite the craziness that is going on around you!

God promised us:

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus". Phil 4:19

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. Rom 8:28

My favorite verse - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.

In light of these verses I wonder how I can feel the way I do... When God promises me that He will meet ALL our needs! That He is working all things together for MY GOOD! That And that His plans are to give me HOPE and a FUTURE! Why? Because I'm human... and I'm not taking the time I should to cultivate my love relationship with him.

I need to begin to claim this verse, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of man kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

God is trying to teach us something (apparently numerous things. Ha!) in the Kennebeck house and we (Brian and I both) need to do a better job about stopping to LISTEN to what He's trying to teach us. And also resting in the joy that He has promised us. I believe all of these things with ALL OF MY HEART! It's just been a struggle lately to match up my human emotions with my heart knowledge.

So thank you for going thru my blogging therapy session with me, and maybe just maybe, by my being this raw and open will help somebody else. Thats my prayer.

I want to leave you with the lyrics from one of my new favorite songs by Josh Wilson. (I love KLove!)

Before the Morning 

Do you wonder why you have to,

feel the things that hurt you,

if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see

and all those things are happening

to bring a better ending

some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends

and you know where you're going,

you just don't know how you get there

so just say a prayer.

and hold on, cause there's good who love God,

life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,

but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the dark before the morning

yeah, yeah,

before the morning,

yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the hurt before the healing

the pain you've been feeling,

just the dark before the morning

before the morning, yeah, yeah

before the morning